Voices in my head

“I usually hear people call my name. I’ll hear them say ‘hey’ or ‘hello.’
I constantly feel watched. I live in an attic in a garage alone, and I see people outside the windows all the time. I have to leap a few feet to get off my bed because I see hands coming out from under it all the time. When I’m standing I’m always afraid there are people directly out of my line of sight. Also when I’m sitting. I always think someone’s gonna grab my feet.
I can’t eat in public because I look at people and the people in my head are telling me about what everyone else is thinking. I can’t go in crowded places at all. If I do eat in public I need the same server every time.
I’m constantly having to delete all my texts and Facebook messages. I don’t know why. If I don’t ill have a panic attack. Recently within the last five or so months, I’ve constantly had a feeling of pure dread. It’s like… When you have something bad to say to someone but you can’t say it and it physically hurts you. That’s how it feels, but constant. And I have nothing to say.
My body is out for rent, to the people in my head if that makes sense. I spend nights watching myself pace back and forth from a third person views. Sometimes they’ll wake me up to stare out the windows at the figures outside.
I’m always hearing people downstairs in my place. I send text messages that I don’t remember sending and sometimes I remember sending text messages that I never even wrote.
They tell me situations that never happened over and over again until I believe them.”

Johnny Strange


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